YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
