Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
