Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize