You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
