My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
