McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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