Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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