too bad you live with your parents still
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
