I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
