Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
