Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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