Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
