i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dear god my vagina.
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