I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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