Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
