She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
