Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
