people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
