I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize