So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
