Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
