Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
