What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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