I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
