yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
