we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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