I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
