he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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