wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize