Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
