im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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