Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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