Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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