Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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