I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
