Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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