The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
