u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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