She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
