yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When are your genitals available?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
