Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
