True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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