I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
