just tell him i said nine months
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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