Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
