I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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