just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize