My first STD was from a foam party
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
