Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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