You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
