the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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