By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
