do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
