a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
