Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
