Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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