stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
