I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
