Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
