They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
