Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
