Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
