That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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