he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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