i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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