There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
