Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
