You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
