Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize