Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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