you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
