You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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