Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
