Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
