imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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