I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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