Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Text me some of your sweat
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