hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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