Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
