I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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