omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
