why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
