That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
