Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
