she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
