I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
