I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
