My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
