So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
