maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
