I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
