I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
