Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
