There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
