I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
