I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
