Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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