You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
