Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize