no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
