you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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