So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
