So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
