i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
