I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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