he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
