dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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