I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
