I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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