I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
