pop tarts are not kleenex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
