Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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