God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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